A month ago I brought two guitars in for repairs. The repair guy asked if I’d just pulled them out of a closet after years of collecting dust.
“Yeah,” I said. “My wife is from Taiwan, and she is spending four months in Asia. I thought it would be a good time to start playing again.”
“Does your wife leave for four months every year?” the man asked.
“Yeah, every winter,” I said.
The man immediately replied, “Sweet.”
I laughed when the guy said it, and I have recounted the conversation with friends, but a more accurate one-word description of Manyu’s annual trips to Asia would be “Bittersweet.” Manyu and I both value our time apart, but we also regret that we sometimes miss events when we’d like to be together. Last week, for example, Manyu called from Thailand to wish me both a happy Chinese New Year and a happy anniversary. For the first time that I can remember, although I doubt it is actually the case, our wedding anniversary fell within the three days of the Chinese New Year. Manyu celebrated our anniversary with a holiday feast alongside friends and family (including our daughter), while I fried up a hamburger and made American fries with the grease. (I do not mention my meal to garner sympathy. I seldom have greasy food when Manyu is home, and I thought my dinner was delicious.)
This year might be our last winter apart, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Manyu has always made an annual excursion back to Asia, and for the first quarter century of our marriage, I joined her midway through her trip. When I taught full-time at the university, I couldn’t travel for extended periods of time, but I could get away for a few weeks between semesters. Once I retired, we both assumed that I’d have nothing but free time, but the opposite actually occurred. Jack, our dog, got old, and neither of us wanted to put him in anyone else’s care. For the past five years, I haven’t gone to Asia at all. Now, with Jack’s recent death, my obligations in La Crosse have been reduced to almost zero, and I will start traveling again.
This, however, is a bit worrisome. I exaggerate only slightly when I say that Manyu and I have enjoyed thirty-three years of marriage in part because we do spend time apart. I miss my wife when she is gone, and I think that she misses me, but neither of us has ever felt lonely. Manyu has her family, and I have my writing, my fishing, and my solitude. I liked living alone in my twenties and thirties, and I like living alone for blocks of time now.
If I join Manyu when she takes her next trip, it will probably be for six months, not just four. Because I am married to a Taiwanese citizen, I can apply for Taiwanese residency after living there continuously for six months.* Residency has its benefits, not the least being national health insurance.
All in all, I look forward to heading back to Asia. Since retirement, I have carved out a near-perfect life here in La Crosse, but I also feel like I have one more adventure left in me. An extended visit to Asia, combined with the possibility that Manyu and I may decide to live there permanently, might provide that opportunity.
* Officially my application will be a renewal. I taught in Taiwan for two years in the early 1990s and again from 2008 to 2009. Both times I was classified as a resident.
Recent Comments